In mediation, we work to make space to have conversations that you have not been able to have on your own, which can help you to have closure, and to move forward without needing to keep rehashing the past.
You will have the chance to discuss anything that feels unresolved. Couples have wanted to work out details about divided custody for a pet, as well as dividing silverware, wedding gifts, and who keeps the couch. You can discuss feelings around “dividing” friends. Many details arise as you un-intertwine, and emotions are connected to monetary value. Our job is to help you to craft an agreement where you both walk away with some benefit; one which feels fair for both of you.
Mediation can also help you to get closure by better understanding the reasons you’re separating. Adrian used to be a heroin addict but when I met with them, he had been sober for 20 years. Jill had struggled with an eating disorder since she was a teen. I guided them through a discussion about how addictive issues had blocked intimacy during their marriage. Adrian felt that he had grown and developed during the marriage, but that Jill hadn’t grown along with him. They were both crying – he with sorrow and empathy and she with sorrow and apology. They left mediation with increased understanding about why their relationship deteriorated, and having shared mutual feelings of loss, which left neither feeling at fault.
Mason and Rose talked about the issues that led them to divorce. Mason asked when Rose had first thought about ending their marriage. Rose confessed that at various times she had been unhappy, and she never told Mason how she was feeling. Mason was devastated to hear this, and asked Rose why? We delved into the blocks that had prevented Mason from seeing how Rose felt, and that had prevented Rose from communicating her truth. They left mediation with a better understanding of their marriage, each other and themselves.
Mediation can help you to resolve open issues and to end your relationship as smoothly as is possible. We make the space for you to share your thoughts and grief with your (soon-to-be-ex) partner – whether they feel the same way as you do – or not. It’s a process that allows you to further understand yourself and your ex, to resolve legal issues for a divorce, and to get the closure you need to move on into this next chapter in your life.