What’s it all about, anyway?
I’ve always been a person whom people like to talk to. I guess I’m a good listener – and also I don’t pass judgment. I myself have done things I’m not proud of – had a relationship wither, and cheat rather than tell my boyfriend that I wanted to end it, for example – so if someone cheats on their spouse, well – yeah it’s not the most mature way to handle the end of your marriage but – hey – we’re all doing the best we can.
So after I went to law school, and tried a few different things, mediation felt like a perfect fit.
Plus – I get to see into people’s marriages, people’s lives. Sometimes I feel like I’m watching a juicy film, as they fight in my office.
But lately, I’m feeling very sad. I wish they weren’t breaking up.
A woman last week said, “He’s still my best friend, he GETS me, and I get him, and I love him. But I feel like what we want from our lives is too different for us to stay together.”
And I was thinking – lady, you’ve got it a lot better than most, having someone you love who “gets” you.
I don’t know. Why do some people stay together and others break apart? Myriad variations as there are couples. Myriad answers to that question.
Marriage is often not fun – at least in my experience. I go through weeks where I am feeling like, “Oh well, my life is really a big disappointment, but there we go – that’s how it turned out.” but then, I stick with it, and it changes – and to me that is the real magic of the whole thing – that I can be so irritated with him, for weeks even, and then it changes. And all of a sudden he’s the hunky, cutey that I fell in love with, again.
The older and more middle-aged I get, the more I think it is about an economic partnership. If I hadn’t gotten married, we wouldn’t have bought a house, we wouldn’t have pooled our incomes and began to amass savings. We wouldn’t have had these wonderful children who have become the center of our lives (at least till they become teenagers).
But – then I probably have a “good” marriage (whatever that is). And maybe my clients don’t.
Or maybe – they have lower tolerance for conflict.