In mediation, we start from an underlying premise that we can find a place which will meet the needs of all family members. In litigation however, this is not always the case and often the needs of the family get lost in a power struggle, full of fear & defense.


Can high conflict couples mediate?

Looking back at the highest conflict couple I ever met with, I question whether they were litigious to start with and went to attorneys who reflected this or did their attorneys make them more litigious? Hard to know.


Could this couple mediate?

The temperature of their sessions was high, during one mediation, the wife became so angry she thew a pad of paper across the room. They started their divorce process in a negative way. The husband’s parents warned that she might kidnap the kids and take them to Europe. You should take the children’s passports and change the life insurance while you’re at it. He did as they advised. Injecting fear and distrust. Then he hired a process server to serve the summons for divorce on her. Starting with an attack makes anyone feel fear and when you're afraid, you look for protection.


The attorneys were fighting over the kids’ schedule for spending time with dad. When the fight becomes about power, who will win and who will lose, it's hard to evaluate the benefit of trying different schedules, seeing how they feel and what works for the entire family.


In mediation I can suggest, how about we try mom’s idea for November and dad’s idea for December? Then meet early January and see how the kids are doing and how it felt?


This is because in mediation we start from an underlying premise that we can find what both parents need, as far as their kids are concerned. That there's a place which will meet the needs of every family member. An assumption of bounty, rather than one of limited resources. That quality time with each parent benefits the kids and the parents. We need enough trust that if one says, 'The baby had a lot of trouble falling asleep.' The other parent says, 'Oh, the poor baby, what do you think caused that? How can we help her avoid that in the future?' Then they can work together to resolve the problem.


Also, how we frame the other parent outlines how we move forward. The mother was invested in proving that she was the #1 parent. She wanted to know the father's work schedule over the past year, to prove he wasn’t a consistent dad. The focus could have been on how can he be a better dad moving forward, given his work and travel obligations? Instead the focus was on, how can she win.



So many ways open up when we stop the power struggle and can then start mediating.

How Conflict Mediation Works for Brooklyn Families: A Step-by-Step Guide

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October 14, 2026
Not sure if you need a collaborative divorce attorney or a mediator in Brooklyn, NY? Call (718) 965-9236 today to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.
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October 14, 2026
Learn how a conflict mediation service helps Brooklyn, NY, families resolve disputes privately. Call (718) 965-9236 for a free consult.
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October 14, 2026
Thinking about mediation vs. litigation in Brooklyn? Our dispute mediation service guides families to calm solutions. Call (718) 965-9236 for a free consult.
By Rachel Green • July 21, 2026
The New York Times had a wonderful article on July 16, 2026, by Jancee Dunn, about how to fight with your partner. It seems to me that as a society, we have to face the fact that conflict is normal and inevitable in any intimate relationship. No two people are going to agree on every aspect of their lives and when you're sharing your life with someone, you're going to come face to face with aspects about which you are not in agreement. We don't see healthy exploration of conflict in movies and TV shows, unless it's a show specifically about family conflict. But it's never portrayed as a normal, everyday part of long term relationships, which it is. " Clashes are normal in relationships. How you handle those fights is key." The tools outlined are: Take a break when either of you get overwhelmed, including having a "code word," to signal that one of you is overwhelmed to a point where you can no longer speak/think rationally, and you need to stop and return to the conversation in - an hour? - a day? when you are calmer. No matter what, with this person who's your life partner, you don't let the conversation fall to the lowest level. No saying 'f-- you' - no cursing, no name calling and no yelling. You want to resolve this, not communicate to your partner that you no longer care about them. If you're going to share your life, you care about them even when they do what you know is totally the wrong thing. Body Language: It helps to fight during a walk outside or while you're lying down next to each other and not looking at each other. Changing your physicality can change your attitude, and can help your partner not to feel put on the spot or confronted. The final tip was not to expect your partner to be a mind feeder. If you're angry it's a sign that your needs have not been met so it's up to you to figure out what need you have that was not met. It's not your partner's job.
By Rachel Green • July 6, 2026
I want my clients to feel informed, even when the information might not support them in getting the results they think that they want. Research has shown that children who have strong relationships with both parents, do best in life. These studies show that as long as children spend at least 1/3 of their time with each parent, they feel they have 2 parents, even though separated. However, if their basic schedule gives them less than 1/3 of the time (approx 10 nights a month) they feel like they have 1 parent who takes care of them - feeds them nutritious food, makes sure they do their homework and get to bed on time etc, and 1 parent who is uncle daddy or aunty mama. Some call them, the fun parent. The common argument between the work parent and the fun parent is... "You never have to rush around making lunches, check they did their homework, get them out the door in time for school / the bus. You waltz in here, pick them up, take them to softball on Saturday and go out to lunch. What a nice life. You get them rested and happy on the weekend. I get them for all of the hectic, pressured time." But the work parent, will also get all of the kudos for their kids' accomplishments. The work parent will have the closeness of knowing the children really well as they grow up - witnessing their struggles and dreams. Divorce gives parents the opportunity to step up. To have the kids without the other parent around, so then can really be a parent who really helps raise their children.
By Rachel Green • May 18, 2026
I’m watching AppleTV's new show, Margo's Got Money Troubles. I was excited when a custody dispute arose and the couple were referred to mediation. Immediately I thought, fantastic, an opportunity to show the world how mediation can work. The mediator started by asking, tell me what are your goals for the process? Mark, why don't you start? I often open mediations with the same question and people respond with their long-term hopes… - We want our child to feel loved, safe, secure, even though her parents are in 2 homes. - I hope we can have a cordial relationship. My parents divorced and fought constantly. It was awful. I don't want our baby to have to live with that level of conflict. - I was hurt and angry, I felt blind-sided when we broke up. Now, 2 years have passed, I want to figure out how to forgive my ex and develop a business like, co-parenting relationship. - We get along. I don't want the divorce process to pit us against each other, as litigation would. Instead, Mark stated, (probably quoting legal papers), I want sole custody of the child. Then began yelling legal arguments. Margo yelled her legal arguments back and the whole thing fell apart. The mediator lost control of the process, and they got nothing from it. Worse - the mediator didn’t give Margo a chance to share her thoughts. In my office, I would have immediately interrupted Mark and said, yes, we will get to that further down the road, but the immediate question is what do you want out of mediation? I don't want to hear your legal arguments. I'm not a judge. I want to have a conversation on a human level. To be more specific, do you have a vision for the relationship you want with your child as he grows up? How you, as co-parents, want to interact with each other in front of him? (And - assuming he answered the question,) Margo, thanks for sitting quietly and listening while Mark had his turn. Now it's your turn. What would be your ideal result of mediation?
Lawyer deciding on custody of children.
May 13, 2026
Looking for a collaborative divorce attorney in Brooklyn, NY? Contact Resolutions Mediation and Collaborative Divorce Services today for expert support.
A professional sits with a clipboard, facing two individuals seated in armchairs during a consultation session.
March 18, 2026
Need family mediation services in Brooklyn, NY? Resolutions Mediation & Collaborative Divorce Services can help. Call (718) 965-9236 today.
By Rachel Green • March 16, 2026
You and your spouse come to mediation together, whether it be in person or on Zoom. We go through a detailed checklist, to make sure we address everything, with the focus of you having a complete legal Settlement Agreement at the end. If you both want, we can also draft your Settlement Agreement. This puts everything discussed into a binding legal contract, that will be filed with the Court along with your divorce papers. Some people choose to work with an advisory attorney and prefer that their attorneys draft the agreement. If so, then your mediator will write a summary of your agreement, called a Memorandum of Understanding or MOU. In New York, the courts have a set of Uncontested Divorce Papers that have to be filled out and filed with the courts. We can create and file these papers for your both. 
By Rachel Green • March 13, 2026
The costs of an average mediated divorce range from approximately $4,000 to $10,000. It’s a big range but there are a lot of variables. Can you and your ex talk without a third person present? Some clients can only talk in the presence of a mediator These clients usually require more sessions Do you have young children? If yes, there are issues to be discussed and resolved, before you have a legal settlement. Do you have complex finances? A lot of assets or debt? A house? A business? Mediated divorce costs fall into 4 categories. 1. Mediation sessions – billed by the hour 2. Costs of drafting a settlement agreement 3. Preparation and filing of divorce papers 4. The court’s costs of filing for divorce
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