I saw my cousin over the weekend. Her brother is a drug addict. He steals from his parents, never holds jobs, is in & out of jail. She said her parents told her that they are planning to leave their house, when they die, jointly to her and her brother. She said, “Figure this out now, because he will fight me to get the whole thing, and I will just walk away. I am not going to fight.”


So funny to contrast that attitude with that of the couple who I saw, who fought for an hour over child support. Who, despite paying me to sit with them, would not let me get in a word edgewise.


The law in NY on child support is not completely clear when there is joint custody, and here, the children are spending 50-50 time with each of their parents. But the things that make this parent so sure that she is entitled to child support, despite the 50-50 schedule and the fact that their incomes are just about equal (48%, 52%), is that the nanny is always at her house during the day. She has a point. Just about all the kids’ laundry is done there, they have playdates there, she lives in the school district of the kids’ school and dad does not, she has to keep groceries there for most of their meals (as well as feeding the nanny).


The father agrees that she has some extra expenses (which he did not agree with at first but he has come around) and so should get some child support. However, she was asking for the same amount she would have if she had the old-fashioned kind of schedule where the dad sees the kids every other week-end and once a week for dinner.


It seems to clear to me that that isn’t reasonable. Why do they want to keep fighting? Why does each initially adopt the most extreme position? His, she needs zero child support. Hers, she needs 100% of child support.


And she had an affair, which was the triggering event of their separation, which always intensifies the situation. But nonetheless, she is still so engaged with him, so intensely focused on him, so much wants him to understand her and her thoughts/needs/views of the whole thing. And yet, I thought about my cousin, because where does all this fighting get them?


I hope I can help them to resolve this.

How Conflict Mediation Works for Brooklyn Families: A Step-by-Step Guide

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October 14, 2026
Not sure if you need a collaborative divorce attorney or a mediator in Brooklyn, NY? Call (718) 965-9236 today to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.
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October 14, 2026
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By Rachel Green • July 21, 2026
The New York Times had a wonderful article on July 16, 2026, by Jancee Dunn, about how to fight with your partner. It seems to me that as a society, we have to face the fact that conflict is normal and inevitable in any intimate relationship. No two people are going to agree on every aspect of their lives and when you're sharing your life with someone, you're going to come face to face with aspects about which you are not in agreement. We don't see healthy exploration of conflict in movies and TV shows, unless it's a show specifically about family conflict. But it's never portrayed as a normal, everyday part of long term relationships, which it is. " Clashes are normal in relationships. How you handle those fights is key." The tools outlined are: Take a break when either of you get overwhelmed, including having a "code word," to signal that one of you is overwhelmed to a point where you can no longer speak/think rationally, and you need to stop and return to the conversation in - an hour? - a day? when you are calmer. No matter what, with this person who's your life partner, you don't let the conversation fall to the lowest level. No saying 'f-- you' - no cursing, no name calling and no yelling. You want to resolve this, not communicate to your partner that you no longer care about them. If you're going to share your life, you care about them even when they do what you know is totally the wrong thing. Body Language: It helps to fight during a walk outside or while you're lying down next to each other and not looking at each other. Changing your physicality can change your attitude, and can help your partner not to feel put on the spot or confronted. The final tip was not to expect your partner to be a mind feeder. If you're angry it's a sign that your needs have not been met so it's up to you to figure out what need you have that was not met. It's not your partner's job.
By Rachel Green • July 6, 2026
I want my clients to feel informed, even when the information might not support them in getting the results they think that they want. Research has shown that children who have strong relationships with both parents, do best in life. These studies show that as long as children spend at least 1/3 of their time with each parent, they feel they have 2 parents, even though separated. However, if their basic schedule gives them less than 1/3 of the time (approx 10 nights a month) they feel like they have 1 parent who takes care of them - feeds them nutritious food, makes sure they do their homework and get to bed on time etc, and 1 parent who is uncle daddy or aunty mama. Some call them, the fun parent. The common argument between the work parent and the fun parent is... "You never have to rush around making lunches, check they did their homework, get them out the door in time for school / the bus. You waltz in here, pick them up, take them to softball on Saturday and go out to lunch. What a nice life. You get them rested and happy on the weekend. I get them for all of the hectic, pressured time." But the work parent, will also get all of the kudos for their kids' accomplishments. The work parent will have the closeness of knowing the children really well as they grow up - witnessing their struggles and dreams. Divorce gives parents the opportunity to step up. To have the kids without the other parent around, so then can really be a parent who really helps raise their children.
By Rachel Green • May 18, 2026
I’m watching AppleTV's new show, Margo's Got Money Troubles. I was excited when a custody dispute arose and the couple were referred to mediation. Immediately I thought, fantastic, an opportunity to show the world how mediation can work. The mediator started by asking, tell me what are your goals for the process? Mark, why don't you start? I often open mediations with the same question and people respond with their long-term hopes… - We want our child to feel loved, safe, secure, even though her parents are in 2 homes. - I hope we can have a cordial relationship. My parents divorced and fought constantly. It was awful. I don't want our baby to have to live with that level of conflict. - I was hurt and angry, I felt blind-sided when we broke up. Now, 2 years have passed, I want to figure out how to forgive my ex and develop a business like, co-parenting relationship. - We get along. I don't want the divorce process to pit us against each other, as litigation would. Instead, Mark stated, (probably quoting legal papers), I want sole custody of the child. Then began yelling legal arguments. Margo yelled her legal arguments back and the whole thing fell apart. The mediator lost control of the process, and they got nothing from it. Worse - the mediator didn’t give Margo a chance to share her thoughts. In my office, I would have immediately interrupted Mark and said, yes, we will get to that further down the road, but the immediate question is what do you want out of mediation? I don't want to hear your legal arguments. I'm not a judge. I want to have a conversation on a human level. To be more specific, do you have a vision for the relationship you want with your child as he grows up? How you, as co-parents, want to interact with each other in front of him? (And - assuming he answered the question,) Margo, thanks for sitting quietly and listening while Mark had his turn. Now it's your turn. What would be your ideal result of mediation?
Lawyer deciding on custody of children.
May 13, 2026
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March 18, 2026
Need family mediation services in Brooklyn, NY? Resolutions Mediation & Collaborative Divorce Services can help. Call (718) 965-9236 today.
By Rachel Green • March 16, 2026
You and your spouse come to mediation together, whether it be in person or on Zoom. We go through a detailed checklist, to make sure we address everything, with the focus of you having a complete legal Settlement Agreement at the end. If you both want, we can also draft your Settlement Agreement. This puts everything discussed into a binding legal contract, that will be filed with the Court along with your divorce papers. Some people choose to work with an advisory attorney and prefer that their attorneys draft the agreement. If so, then your mediator will write a summary of your agreement, called a Memorandum of Understanding or MOU. In New York, the courts have a set of Uncontested Divorce Papers that have to be filled out and filed with the courts. We can create and file these papers for your both. 
By Rachel Green • March 13, 2026
The costs of an average mediated divorce range from approximately $4,000 to $10,000. It’s a big range but there are a lot of variables. Can you and your ex talk without a third person present? Some clients can only talk in the presence of a mediator These clients usually require more sessions Do you have young children? If yes, there are issues to be discussed and resolved, before you have a legal settlement. Do you have complex finances? A lot of assets or debt? A house? A business? Mediated divorce costs fall into 4 categories. 1. Mediation sessions – billed by the hour 2. Costs of drafting a settlement agreement 3. Preparation and filing of divorce papers 4. The court’s costs of filing for divorce
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