debt & divorce


The starting point for divorce negotiations is to divide debt 50/50. This would not include debt racked up because of an addiction, gambling disorder, fancy dinners with a paramour. So the presumption that debt is joint can be questioned, depending on what the debt arose from. Lost a week’s pay gambling? That debt is yours. Dental bills and groceries? You’re sharing that.

Generally, mortgages stay with the house. A spouse gets the house, they would also get the mortgage. If the couple is selling the house, they pay off the mortgage and then split the remaining proceeds of the sale – equally, most often.

Responsibility for debt: Technically, credit cards are held by one person. Even if you are a cardholder on the account, the bills are only in your name, and you are the one that the credit card company will go after. However, if you are getting divorced, then the courts would have the authority to distribute the responsibility as they see fit.

To protect yourself, you and your partner can enter into a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement to clarify that debt in your name is yours, and theirs is theirs. Or you could say (in a prenup) that you will divide debt accrued during the marriage proportionally based on your incomes. (So if one partner earned $100k and the other earned $50k, the debt would be divided 2/3 – 1/3.)

The #1 thing I recommend is – know what’s going on in your household! Look at the monthly statement – forward it to your ex, after circling all the things you expect them to chip in for.

If credit card debt starts accruing, it’s hard to get out from under it, because the interest they charge is so high. You might have a chance to change it, restructure it – move it to 0% interest offers to keep interest charges from piling up – find a debt restructuring company, which will negotiate with your creditors, lower the balance owed and put you on a payment plan.

If you have retirement assets, maybe you can take a loan against them to pay off credit card debt. Those loans are great – you pay interest to yourself.

You can nip it in the bud – but only if you know about it. Some of the worst debt-divorce stories I have seen were where one partner accumulated debt that the other did not know about. Nothing like thinking, “great we’re selling our house for $1,300,000,” only to discover that your share will be $200,000 because there is debt that you only learned about at the closing.

You can also protect yourself with a postnuptial agreement. I worked with a couple whose only area of conflict was money, and they were debating whether to stay married. We negotiated the terms of a postnuptial agreement in which they agreed that any debt would belong to the person whose name is on the debt – and would belong solely to that spouse. Even if you’re already married, you can negotiate who will own what. Just be sure to put it in writing.

Family Mediation in Divorce with Ada Hasloecher (video podcast)

In this episode Keep the Kids in Mind, Rachel Green interviews Ada L. Hasloecher, a Divorce & Family Mediator.

About Ada Hasloecher:
Connect with Ada on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adalhasloecher/
Ada’s Website: http://www.dfmcli.com/
Read Ada’s Blog: http://divorceandfamilymediationcenter.com/blog/
Watch Ada’s Video Blogs and Subscribe to her YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@divorceandfamilymediationc1753
Phone: 516-330-3555

In every episode of Keep the Kids in Mind, Rachel Green, a family, and divorce mediator with over 25 years of experience, interviews Marriage Therapists, Attorneys, Divorce Coaches, Child Development Specialists, Financial Planners, and Teachers to help people who are going through a divorce or separation with children involved. How can divorcing couples keep the kids in mind? What are the common pitfalls for divorcing couples with children and how can people protect children from the conflict, so that they come through whole and healthy? What are the (surprising) benefits to children of divorce? How can the parents move into a restructured family with 2 homes? This podcast explores these questions and more.

Connect with Rachel Green on LinkedIn

What to Tell Your Kids During Your Divorce with John Yacos (video podcast)

In this episode Keep the Kids in Mind, Rachel interviews John Yacos, a litigation attorney in matrimonial and family law. 

Connect with John Yacos:

Website: https://yacoslaw.com/

Phone: 212-587-9560

In every episode of Keep the Kids in Mind, Rachel Green, a family and divorce mediator with over 25 years of experience, interviews Marriage Therapists, Attorneys, Divorce Coaches, Child Development Specialists, Financial Planners, and Teachers to help people who are going through a divorce or separation with children involved. How can divorcing couples keep the kids in mind? What are the common pitfalls for divorcing couples with children and how can people protect children from the conflict, so that they come through whole and healthy? What are the (surprising) benefits to children of divorce? How can the parents move into a restructured family with 2 homes? This podcast explores these questions and more.

Connect with Rachel Green: LinkedIn

Keep the Kids in Mind with Rachel Green and Michael Henry (Video Podcast)

In this episode Keep the Kids in Mind, Rachel interviews Michael Henry, Mediator, facilitator, and attorney who works with Rachel at ReSolutions Mediation and Collaborative Divorce Services, in Brooklyn NY.

Connect with Michael Henry:

LinkedIn

Website

Email: michael@mediate2resolution.com

In every episode of Keep the Kids in Mind, Rachel Green, a family and divorce mediator with over 25 years of experience, interviews Marriage Therapists, Attorneys, Divorce Coaches, Child Development Specialists, Financial Planners, and Teachers to help people who are going through a divorce or separation with children involved. How can divorcing couples keep the kids in mind? What are the common pitfalls for divorcing couples with children and how can people protect children from the conflict, so that they come through whole and healthy? What are the (surprising) benefits to children of divorce? How can the parents move into a restructured family with 2 homes? This podcast explores these questions and more.

Connect with Rachel Green: LinkedIn

Mediation or Collaborative?

Is mediation or collaborative divorce the right fit for you?

After you decide that you are going to separate, the first questions you want to answer are: What process will work best for you both? Who are the professionals who can help you to find the steps through to this next phase of your lives? Do you both want to try mediation with a neutral third person to help facilitate your conversation? Or would you prefer to have your attorney sitting next to you during your negotiations?

Continue reading “Mediation or Collaborative?”

Is Mediation Right for Me?

8 Reasons To Try Mediation:

1. Faster Path to Closure:

You may have been wronged – but getting stuck in conflict, and seeking revenge, will only keep you thinking about and tallying up – reliving – those hurts.  The goal of mediation is to wrap up this part of your life, resolve and settle, so that you can move forward to your new and (hopefully) happier future, without the conflicts of the past.  Let them go!

2. Neutral:

Continue reading “Is Mediation Right for Me?”

Negotiating A Prenuptial Agreement

Why mediating a prenuptial agreement can be beneficial:

A woman called me, distraught. She said that over the course of 4 months, she and her fiancé had paid about $10,000 in attorney’s fees, had months of stress and agony, and ended up getting married without having signed the prenup. Now, 3 months into their marriage, the unsigned prenup remained an issue, but their attorneys could not find a way to agree.

Continue reading “Negotiating A Prenuptial Agreement”

Why mediating a prenuptial agreement can be beneficial:

A woman called me, distraught. She said that over the course of 4 months, she and her fiancé had paid about $10,000 in attorney’s fees, had months of stress and agony, and ended up getting married without having signed the prenup. Now, 3 months into their marriage, the unsigned prenup remained an issue, but their attorneys could not find a way to agree.

Continue reading “Negotiating A Prenuptial Agreement”

Fuel for Conflict

People get into the worst fights when what they are fighting about is not what they are really fighting about…

I am working with a couple who have an extremely (and unusually) hostile and embittered post-divorce relationship. I am working with them as a parenting coordinator, not a mediator. This means that I was appointed by the court and have the power to make decisions if there is a time-sensitive matter pending. Usually, during mediation, I don’t have the power to make decisions (and why should I? Those are not my kids).

Continue reading “Fuel for Conflict”