Taking Extreme Positions In Mediation

Some couples who come to mediation are high conflict. No matter what they’re discussing, they take extreme positions. His position, he wants to pay zero. Her position, she wants 100.

In many situations the cycle of fighting is covering underlying issues. All each person wants is for the other to understand their thoughts/needs/views.

When we’re rigidly taking a stance unwilling to consider other options, negotiations are difficult, especially when children are involved.

But people can change. One couple took a break from mediation as it was so full of conflict. When they returned, whenever the husband was argumentative, the wife would pause for a few seconds and then respond, not by telling him how wrong he was, but instead stating why she needed what she needed.

After the session I asked her about this new behavior and she explained that she’d been learning how to self regulate. She knew their old way of communicating or not communicating, was hindering them moving forward, so decided to find a different way to deal with the situation.

We were able to move forward with the mediation and they were each able to move into new chapters of their lives.