Sometimes I'm incredibly moved by this work. There's so much at stake, my client's entire world.
One couple, the husband was a successful, suited professional, who cried when thinking about the wife moving to a different city with their son.
Relocation is a painful issue. Certainly, it’s better now that we have Facetime/Skype, at least you can see your kid. My daughter is away at college and I miss her a little less after we Skype than when we talk on the phone. Seeing her face, her expressions, makes up for something.
Ultimately, it’s a win/lose kind of issue. One person gets those sleepy nights, putting your kid to bed, hanging out with them doing homework while you chop veggies for dinner, watching tv together, the hectic mornings rushing to get breakfast, showered, dressed... This is when you hear those random life questions. When you hear about his dream, when she tells you what happened in history class. The other parent unfortunately misses many, though not all, of these moments.
The bottom line is, children really do need both parents and they don’t stop thinking about the absent parent. They may even think about the absent parent more. How many books are there about teens obsessed with their absent parents? Too many.
How can we help these situations? We can focus on what one parent can do to encourage the relationship with the absent parent? Summers, school holiday visits. Maybe helping to find a place for the absent parent to stay in the new city when they come to see their child. This is what mediation is about, finding what works for the new restructured family and of course putting the child's needs first.
Kommentare