People get into horrible fights when what they're fighting about isn't what they're really fighting about…
I'm parenting coordinator, not a mediator, for a couple who have an extremely and unusually, hostile post-divorce relationship. As parenting coordinator I was appointed by the court and have the power to make decisions if there's a time-sensitive matter pending. Usually, during mediation, I don’t have the power to make decisions and why should I, they're not my kids.
Recently a dispute arose as their child’s pediatrician recommended that the child see a psychiatrist. Now, they're bitterly tussling over which psychiatrist to choose.
What is in conflict?
Will the Dr. be biased in favor of the parent who pays? One parent has offered to pay if services are not covered by insurance.
Will the Dr. be biased if one parent is employed at the same hospital at which the Dr. is working?
Will the child be pressured by one parent or the other to choose a Dr. which he/she chose first?
I would think that credentials and years of experience would give the doctor a presumption of competence.
It seems the real underlying conflict is the competitive battle that these parents remain locked in, the ultimate need to win. I hope through our work, we can find a way to refocus the conversation back to what is best for their child.
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