The answer to this varies a lot. Firstly, you’re in control, you decide how long you want between appointments. If you want to move through the process quickly or slowly.
I’ve had clients who met once a week for 4 weeks, they resolved everything in the sessions and signed their agreement and court papers. From start to finish it was 5-7 weeks.
My longest-running case took 9 years. They would come in when they needed help resolving something, once a year or year and a half. Their child grew up, they put him through college, sold the marital home and were still married. When they came in to sign their papers, they both cried. Even though they hadn’t lived together in years, it still meant something that they were married. The official end of the marriage was an important marker.
I’ve had cases where one partner has toyed with the idea of separation; run it through their minds for months or even years and is now ready to tell the spouse they want to break up. Meanwhile, the spouse is shocked.
“Every time we fight you threaten divorce, but you never did anything about it, so I never thought you were serious.”
“You’re telling the mediator that you were so unhappy. Why didn’t you tell me that, during our marriage?”
In those situations, we have to give the non-initiating spouse the time to adjust to the idea of the split; begin to mourn the big changes that come with a break-up. They have to process the loss of the future they thought they were going to have before they’re ready to make decisions about how their lives will be structured in the future.
Often, they’re not doing that processing with me; but with a therapist, or just with friends and families. I don’t hear from them for 8 or 12 or 16 months and they come back in a different place. Looking stronger and more confident, ready to approach these decisions.
On average though, couples finish the mediation process in 2-18 months.