Is Mediation Right for Me?  8 Reasons To Try Mediation:

January 2nd, 2019

 

  1. Faster Path to Closure: You may have been wronged – but getting stuck in conflict, and seeking revenge, will only keep you thinking about and tallying up – reliving – those hurts.  The goal of mediation is to wrap up this part of your life, resolve and settle, so that you can move forward to your new and (hopefully) happier future, without the conflicts of the past.  Let them go!

 

  1. Neutral:  The mediator is neutral.  I won’t take sides with you against your spouse, nor with your spouse against you. Instead, I will work with you to increase your understanding of each other and of your conflict, and help you to find ways that the future structure can work for both of you.

 

  1. Control:  Mediation allows you to have control over the process,
  • because you won’t agree until you are ready to – when the agreement meets yourneeds;
  • because you schedule appointments on your time-frame, and can take the time you need between meetings to gather information, consider proposals, run it by your sister/brother/mother/uncle/cousin/friend.
  1. Private: Mediation is private and confidential, so that you can frankly discuss cash income, addiction, infidelity and any other sensitive issues.
  2. Quicker End to Conflict:  Conflict is painful. Most people have a drive to resolve it. When you understand the sources of conflict, you have a huge release of creative energy which leads to terrific brainstorming sessions about how to solve the problem and end the conflict.
  3. Shared History: You will always have shared your years together.  Even though you are splitting up, you can’t change the past.  Do you want to ‘wish each other well,’ and move forward into this next phase?  Or do you want to destroy your former partner?  Your children will not thank you for destroying their other parent.
  4. Better Relationship In The Future:  You may want to attend future birthdays, graduations, weddings; be at the hospital for the birth of your grandchild.  If you have (a) child(ren) together, you will always be connected to your ex.  Mediation will help you keep the lines of communication open, come to a deeper understanding of why things may not have worked in your marriage, and be better able to tolerate seeing your ex in the future.

Litigation is ritualized war.  Afterwards, it will be hard to be civil to someone who tried to annihilate you, during your divorce.  Avoid doing that!  Many kids whose parents are divorced have said that the biggest gift their parents can give them is the ability to be in a room together, and be civil to each other.

  1.  Reasons People Choose Mediation (quotes from clients):
  • either we solve it – or a stranger will tell us what to do
  • I don’t want it to be lawyer v. lawyer
  • keep the friendship that we still have
  • have a fair process – fair for both of us
  • both of us want to do what’s best for our child
  • respect each other’s individuality
  • get clarity about what is the right thing to do
  • save money
  • accomplish our goals, such as making sure we are both OK, financially
  • want to be good co-parents
  • the law is a blunt instrument – discussion in mediation is more tailored to what we need and care about
  • hope to be able to be friends, in the future
  • want to spend time together with our child

 

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