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Who Can't Mediate
1. ABILITY TO SPEAK FREELY:
Mediation requires you to negotiate with your spouse. You have to be able to sit in the room
together, and you have to be able to express what you need.
If you are not clear about what you want or need, or why you want or need it, that's OK.
I can work with you during the mediation process to help you to consider lots of different
options and give you time to figure out what you need.
2. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:
If you and your spouse have a history of violence between you, you probably should use more
traditional methods for negotiating your divorce. It is difficult to speak freely and express
what you want if you fear that you will pay for your words later.
However - if you have a clear belief that mediation is your best option, please feel free to give me a call to discuss
safeguards that we can put into the mediation process, such as:
- Written guidelines of behavior which, if violated, will trigger immediate termination;
- Presence of your advocate, relative or friend during mediation;
- Separate mediation appointments for you and your spouse/partner;
- Telephone/conference call mediation appointments, with no face-to-face meetings.
3. EMOTIONAL INTIMIDATION:
If there's been extreme emotional intimidation between you and your spouse, you may not be
able to mediate. You have to be able to speak freely during the mediation sessions. I worked
with a couple once where the wife's personality completely changed when the husband left
the room. She was quiet and tense when he was there, but relaxed and chatty when he left.
They were not able to mediate their divorce because she could not say what she felt while
her husband was in the room.
4. NO HIDDEN ASSETS:
Mediation requires full and free exchange of information. If you believe that your spouse
may be hiding assets from you, you should go to a lawyer. Lawyers are better at finding
hidden assets, and at forcing people to reveal them. In mediation, people have to be willing
to disclose their assets to each other -- although the information does not have to leave
the mediation room.
5. NOT SURE ABOUT DIVORCING.
Finally, most couples who come to mediation know that they want to divorce. If you and your
spouse are still considering whether or not to stay together, you should probably work with
a couples therapist or marriage counselor.
ALTERNATIVES?
If you feel that you want the benefit of having a lawyer to represent you, so that you have
someone to depend on during this difficult and life-changing process, and so that you make
sure you know your legal rights, you can try Collaborative Law. That process has you and your
spouse represented by attorneys who agree not to go to court.
Attorneys who are trained in Collaborative Law use the same interest-based
facilitated-negotiation techniques as mediation to generate win-win results.
It may be appealing to people who can afford to have more involvement by attorneys,
and who want that kind of expertise. For more information, click here.
If you have questions about whether you can mediate, contact me:
Phone: 718-965-9236
Cellular: 917-270-1897
or email me.
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